You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
