My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
