I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
