my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
