capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The uberlube is also flammable
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
