Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
