I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
