Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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