there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
