So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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