I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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