I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
