guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize