theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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