Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
