Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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