feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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