we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize