if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
