OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
