normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
