It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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