He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize