why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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