Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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