so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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