At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
