There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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