Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
