Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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