I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
