just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize