In the future we'll all be gay
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
