i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
