so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
