Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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