i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There r osticjed everywhere
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
