Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize