I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
