I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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