where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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