i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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