Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
