i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
