It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
