My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
