when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
