If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
