So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
