Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
