On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
