You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
