I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
