she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
