Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
