just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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