come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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