Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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