Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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