I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
