One girl and one boy is just not enough.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
