You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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