he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
