the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize