do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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