Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
